Holding pattern....

Its one of those days...

I'm reasonably ahead of schedule on all deliverables. 

Conference reviews (x7) done. Defense scheduled (March 24th!) + slides ready + 30 min core content recorded for playback/prep. Revision on COVID manuscript done and sitting with Samer. Materials for Jt. Prog PhD Symposium AI workshop prepped. Materials for ASAC Systems Thinking PDW prepped. Outline memo for ICIS short paper with <AE> written. Pipeline memo for next 2 years written. Good draft of job market paper written and percolating. Data analysis for <JS+RN> way ahead of schedule.

I'm running out of things to do. So I migrated my digital footprint from abhardwaj.net to anandb.net. If you're reading this on blog.anandb.net then my migration was successful across all allied and microsites. 

I guess the elephant sitting in my office with my while I twiddle my thumbs is my future. And my lack of knowledge of what it is going to look like. I dont like this feeling. I dont need a ton of control over my future but I'd like to know, for example, which continent my daughter is going to spend her early teens in. I dont know.

Its been a long... long long long market for me. This post was made two years ago. I'm tired, boss. Its been a brutal cycle for rookies, thanks in no small part to the primary anglophone tenure track market in the world deciding to collapse this year. 

Across the board I see departments looking to poach advanced assistant profs who are fleeing the US rather than take a shot on a rookie. I dont blame them at one level, they're getting champagne at beer prices this year, after all. But I do blame them a little for the cruelty. For the job posts that advertise for a assistant OR associate with a single job description and a single set of expectations, an illusion of a fair playing field. For how they reject us, stating ever so smugly that they have never ever ever received so many applications before oh my goodness me. 

I suppose I should be grateful. I have had some flyouts. The last two flyouts have been on my mind a lot recently because we are in the decision window now. I could hear from either today, or next week, or even a rejection a month from now. 

One is a dream job, quite literally the type of job I have been working to manifest for myself over the last 5 years. OT/IS bridge role in a good Canadian school, in proximity to policy makers and technologists, intresting and challenging colleagues, reasonable teaching load. Kind of a perfect location for me, helps me continue my pipeline with ease, sets up Aditi for a smooth completion of her PhD, good for Lara. I thought I did well in my flyout, but boy oh boy do these folks have a poker face. I get nothing, no sense of where I stand. 

The other is the job I never knew I wanted. IS in the scandinavian tradition, in a very prestigious school, warm colleagues, light teaching load, chill tenure model, access to early exec ed teaching if I want boost earnings. Option to coast, and support if I want to go beast mode. And they reallly thought of everything during the flyout. They knew I was nervous about a potential transatlantic move, and went out of their way to signal accomodations for Aditi and Lara. I think I did well in my flyout, and they let me know. That said, this is not my first flyout to the nordics where I was warmly received. The first one was a reject despite what I thought were very positive signals during and after the flyout. I guess I'm not sure how to read scandinavian hospitality. So end of day, it was good but again I have no sense of where I stand.

Like I said, I should be grateful. I have two amazing possible options, dramatically divergent in what they mean for the scholar I will become, for the paths I facilitate for Aditi, for the culture I steep Lara in during her early teen years. I'd be thrilled with either one working out, am hoping for the ability to choose between both, and sick with worry about being rejected by both. I have a possiblity of another flyout materializing soon, and am existentially tired at the prospect of putting out more applications. 

The job market is cruel, made worse by world events and the attitude of many universities this cycle. The pressure on young scholars to rush, to be faster (and not necessarily more rigorous) is intense. I'm no stranger to pressure, but what is happening now is not sustainable. Something's got to give. If anything this experience has convinced me that field-level reform is desperated needed for how knowledge is produced and how universities are administered. This has to be part of what my career is about.

Hopefully, the next time I post here I'll be in a happier mood. Good luck to you rookies out there.